Recently I had a friend go on a rant against blogging as some kind of mutation of the writing art form. I disagreed. Quite strongly. Blogging gives a platform to share, be inspired, and collaborate. You don’t need a degree to produce something incredible. You don’t need to be published to be validated. And you certainly don’t need to spell correctly to say what you want to say. The whole situation reminded me how much I dislike high brow literary folk. So, here’s a little satire. My not-so-passive aggressive response. Enjoy.

High Brow Buffoons

Tommy Tundra liked Sally Sandra, but alliteration felt out of place off the page and he couldn’t quite convince himself it wasn’t all a faze—a healthy experiment with slant rhyme and unmetered timing.

So he called a guy. You know the guy. The one with the answers and a preference for endings that fit the sentence. The one know knows where semicolons go, unlike the rest of us; unlikable, but useful.

The guy answered the phone because he’s always home, gazing out windows and rubbing his chin stubble, troubled. He has a lot on his mind because he puts a lot of stuff there.

So, Tommy asked the guy if it was alright to like something trite and the guy took the query seriously, as he was taught to do in coffee shops and independent movies.

“I’ll get back to you,” he said. Keep them in anticipation, waiting and patient so the belated response is treasured, measured, and taken without a spoon full of sugar or any such helpful balance. The guy had many talents, mostly dicking around.

Tommy Tundra waited and Sally Sandra faded into cremated pages, killed darlings floating on the waves.

And then the guy called Tommy.

“I’ve considered your query most seriously,” he commenced, dancing the tip of his tongue on the receiver, hoping to be put on speaker and heard louder, farther, everywhere.

“And?” Tommy was no wordsmith, but a regular man trying to understand the intricacies of diction and alliteration and love, as if the three were one.

“And, no.” The guy replied. “Your brow is too low, Tommy. Swing ‘em up high and choose someone more exotic.” Toxic, dialect didn’t die but got appropriated into being insightful.


And that was that. Tommy moved on and Sally never knew she was a muse for a day, or two. She grew her auburn hair long and started smoking cowboy killers while Tommy learned to stare out windows and rub his chin stubble, troubled and faking it until the end.

Isn’t it sad to think they were soul mates?

Humanity may, in fact, be doomed.


9 thoughts on “To all those high brows: GET YOUR BROWS BACK WHERE THEY BELONG

  1. I like that blogging gives us a chance to practice and collaborate with others who are interested in writing or whatever it is we like to write about. I think it may actually save structured English, if those who participate make it a point to work on their English skills. My niece started a blog recently, and it’s made her excited about the concept of writing. There are a lot of journals out there that were written before computers were mainstream that led to incredible literary careers. We’ve all got to start somewhere.

    1. I couldn’t agree more! I happen to be a creative writing major at a pretty well-regarded school, but I’ve seen blog posts on wordpress that far exceeded the talents of some of my peers. Writers have always sought each other out for advice, inspiration, and critique. Blogging is the modern version of that, as far as I see it. Just because it’s on the internet doesn’t mean it’s less valuable. Good for your niece! I wish her well!

  2. Hello : )
    I just read this piece – wow – it is brilliant.You can come up with the most original combinations of thoughts and expressions, and can convey a timeless message through them. And you do have your very own voice, which is another sign that you already have the skills of a professional writer.

  3. I agree with you. I was, admittedly, personally opposed to blogging for a variety of reasons (one of which being that the word ‘blog’ is ugly and sounds like something a frog excretes when it is sick). One of the reasons was that I thought that all the blogs out there were internet drivel full of ‘lols’ and like buttons. Since I started myself, however, I have found and engaged more interesting people then I meet in a month in the real world. My ideas have taken clearer shape. My writing is more deliberate.

    There is some really great stuff out here. Yes, there is some pretty lacking stuff too, but where in the world is that not the case? I say, keep blogging! But we need to find a different word for it.

  4. Pingback: Meta Metamorphosis: The War Agains the High Brows Rages On | unkilleddarlings

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